dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
