Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
