My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
