Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
