my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
