it was like eating out sand paper
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
