I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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