i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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