fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize