I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
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You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
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Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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