someone threw a dead crab at me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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