is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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