i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
