i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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