I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize