Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
