I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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