More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
