i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
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My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
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I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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