you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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