Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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