At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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