I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
