Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
