i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
