I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
