Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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