quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
