my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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