I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
