It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
