I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
