I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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