I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
