i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
