dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
