The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
