Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
