He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True strength comes from lack of pants
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize