the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
