you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
