Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
