when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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