Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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