12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize