Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
