Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
