Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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