she woke up with a sticky ear
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I smell like Dick and happiness
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