eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He felt like a one man threesome
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
