you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
