When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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