I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
