can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
