Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
