He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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