There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
