its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
