Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
