sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The beer is more important than you right now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
