I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
