It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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