I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
this hospital has no fireball
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize