I am spending my child support on dildos
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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