rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
